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Mindfulness Based Counseling

  • Mindfulness Based Counseling
  • About Randall Sokoloff
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • Cost and contact

Gaslighting 101

May 5, 2023 Randall sokoloff

So what exactly is gaslighting? We hear this term thrown around a lot these days, so I thought I would take a quick deep dive into what gaslighting actually is.

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from a 1938 play, "Gas Light," in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity by dimming the gas lights in their home while denying that the light level has changed.

Gaslighting behavior can range from subtle and insidious to overt and dangerous. It is often employed by abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, and cult leaders to gain control over their victims by distorting reality and undermining their sense of self. This can take many different forms, including lying, denying, deflecting, minimizing, and blaming, as well as withholding information, love, and support.

One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is that it can cause the targeted person to doubt their own grip on reality. Individuals may begin to second-guess their own perceptions, memories, and experiences, and may feel they are losing their sense of self. This can lead them to question their own judgment, feel isolated, lose a sense of self-worth and strangely enough become even more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and support.

Gaslighters often target specific vulnerabilities in their victims, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or trauma, to more effectively manipulate them. They may also use subtle cues and microaggressions to gradually erode their victim's confidence and self-worth over time. The effects of gaslighting can be profound and long-lasting, often leading to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This in turn has a profound effect on a person’s health.

One of the most important things to remember about gaslighting is that it is a form of abuse. It is not the victim's fault, and it is not a reflection of their worth or intelligence. Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of psychological manipulation that can have profound and long-lasting effects on people. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting and to seek help and support if you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit. By raising awareness about gaslighting, we can help make people more aware and hopefully prevent this form of abuse in the future.

In mental health, personal development, mindfulness Tags gaslighting, what is gaslighting, abuse, psychological abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic abuse, low self worth, psychology, mental health, sociopath, mental healthhealth, emotional intelligence, depression, anxiety, mindfulness counselor, independent mental health counselor, mental health counseling, emotional health, ptsd, trauma, surviving trauma, mindfulness, Mental Health, meditation, stress relief, self help, self reflection, Self haterd, deep work, deceleration, life coaching, Recovering from trauma, Violence prevention

The Acceptance Of What Is

April 27, 2023 Randall sokoloff

The acceptance of what is can be a difficult and challenging task for many of us. It can often feel counterintuitive to accept what is. It is human nature to resist change, to hold on to the past, and to try to control everything around us. However, the truth of the matter is that we cannot control everything, and we cannot change the past. When we accept what is, we are freeing ourselves from the constraints of trying to control the uncontrollable.

There are several ways in which the acceptance of what is can enhance our well-being. Firstly, accepting what is promotes inner calm and reduces anxiety. When we accept what is, we are no longer fighting against (or trying to escape) reality. We can let go of the constant need to control everything. This allows us to release the tension and stress that we’ve been holding onto and achieve a more peaceful state of mind.

Secondly, accepting what is can help us move forward and make positive changes. It is often when we are resisting reality that we become stuck, unwell and we cannot move forward. We keep trying to find happiness or well-being by striving for it rather than accepting what is and allowing the happiness or feelings of well-being to arise naturally. When we accept that something is (depression, anger, unhappiness, anxiety, illness, etc.) we can focus our energy and efforts on then gradually making positive changes in our lives. This enables us to find innovative solutions to our problems and take action towards achieving a better life for ourselves.

Moreover, accepting what is can also improve our relationships with others. When we resist reality, we tend to blame and criticize others for our problems, which can lead to arguments and misunderstandings. However, when we accept what is, we become more understanding and empathetic towards others, and we can work together to find solutions to our problems.

I have found that accepting what is is a crucial (and often counterintuitive) step towards achieving inner peace, moving forward, healing and building healthy relationships. It is not easy, but it is a skill that we can develop over time with practice and patience. By embracing what is, we can free ourselves from the constraints of control and resistance, open our minds and embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth.

In mental health, mindfulness, personal development, anxiety management Tags nonstriving, buddhism, peace, managing anxiety and depression, depression recovery, depression, addiction, grief, sadness, life, illness, mental health, how to achieve mental health, mindfulness, personal development