Taking Care of Yourself

Self-care is a term that is often thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? In today’s busy world, some people seem to really struggle with self-care. They feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious or maybe they do not feel like they themselves are worth taking care of. Whatever the case may be, if we want to live a life that we feel good about, self-care is fundamental.

As far as I understand it, self-care is any activity that you do to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. It can be something as simple as taking a break from work to go for a brief walk, or something more involved like going to therapy. Fundamentally, self-care is knowing how to take care of yourself (the opposite of learned helplessness) rather than relying on others to save you. 

There are many benefits to engaging in self-care. It can help you reduce stress, improve your mood and health. It can allow you to feel more independent and self-reliant. It can help you sleep better, improve your relationships with others and yourself and be more productive in your work.

There are many different ways to practice self-care. Some common activities include:

• Exercise

• Eating healthy foods

• Getting enough sleep

• Spending time with people who make you feel good

• Practicing relaxation techniques, such as stretching or meditation

• Reading

• Taking a bath or shower

• Going for a walk or bike ride

• Listening to music

• Doing something creative, such as painting or writing

It is important to find self-care activities that work for you and that you enjoy doing. There is no one right way to do self-care. What matters is that you are taking some time for yourself each and every day to relax, recharge and maybe even feel inspired.

If you are struggling to find time for self-care, here are a few tips that I have found helpful:

• Schedule it into your day. Just like you would schedule any other important appointment, make sure to schedule some time for self-care each day. For example, I schedule in an hour of reading time each day (no matter how busy I am) because I know that I will feel less happy and more mentally scattered if I do not read.

• Make it a priority. Self-care should be something that you do for yourself, even if you don't feel like it.

• Don't be afraid to say no. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to say no to commitments that will take away from your self-care time. If others can not support you in doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, maybe it would be good for you to reevaluate the relationship.

• Be patient. It takes time to find self-care activities that work for you. Don't be discouraged if you don't find the right thing right away. You can start by just taking a fifteen minute walk by yourself a few times a week.

Self-care is an important part of a mentally and physically healthy lifestyle. When we are stressed out or less healthy, self-care is usually the first thing to go out the window. By taking some amount of time for yourself each day to do the things you enjoy, you will improve your physical, emotional, and mental health. An additional benefit of self-care is that you will also prove to yourself that you can do it, which will increase your confidence and feelings of self-worth.

Mental Health Matters: Supporting Emotional Wellbeing and Recovery

Times are tough. Things are quite precarious. We all face the difficulties of economic and social instability. We are just beginning to wrap our brains around the toll the Covid pandemic has taken on our world. As a result, the topic of mental health has become increasingly more prevalent. Social media platforms highlight the positive aspects of life, yet many people are experiencing anxiety, depression and trauma. With the rise of mental health issues around the world, it is important for each individual and governments to now prioritize emotional wellbeing and recovery.

The pressures of contemporary life can make it difficult for individuals to process their feelings and emotions. This can result in the abundance of distraction available online, including social media, streaming platforms, video games, pornography, the news or even just surfing the internet aimlessly. While these activities can provide entertainment and a temporary distraction, they also have the potential to severely exacerbate mental health issues. Therefore, it is even more important now than ever, for individuals to dedicate time to self-reflection, meditation, mindfulness, and self-care practices that allow them to address and understand their emotional needs fully. (Tomorrow I will be sending out a post on how to engage in self-care.)

One major aspect of emotional wellbeing is dealing with trauma and its consequences, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In my work with clients, PTSD has been the main mental illness causing condition I have come across. We all deal with PTSD in some form now as a result of the Covid pandemic. Individuals can recover from traumas by seeking professional help, attending support groups, and practicing mindfulness while meditating, yoga, or through journaling. Trauma healing requires time and patience, but individuals do have the power to feel better through the support of loved ones, seeking therapy, and engaging in self-care routines.

Mental health awareness and support are essential not only for the individual affected but also for the people around them. While introverted individuals enjoy their time alone, they still need to prioritize social connections in their lives and form healthy relationships. Similarly, society needs to eliminate the stigma around anxiety and depression once and for all. It is not uncommon at all for individuals to feel overwhelmed, depressed and anxious- especially considering the challenges that the world throws our way these days.

As I wrote about in my earlier essay on gaslighting, it also is important to establish a conversation around gaslighting awareness and the importance of seeking professional help. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. It is a significant root cause of mental health issues and anxiety. Thus everyone must call out gaslighters and develop healthier coping mechanisms such as therapy, self-care, and mindfulness, or just simply seeking the support of friends and family.

Mental health matters now more than ever and should be a priority in an individual's life. With the right support from friends, family, and mental health practitioners, individuals can take care of their emotional wellbeing and achieve full recovery from traumas or mental health disorders. While it may be a long journey, taking the first step is crucial, whether that's seeking therapy, meditating, relaxing more (without distractions), going for walks, eating better or journaling to process and regulate emotions. The key takeaway is for individuals to make small changes in their daily lives and hold themselves accountable for their emotional wellbeing. With support and consistency we can recover from mental illness and live a more mentally healthy (stable) life.

If you would like to begin working on your mental health, please feel free to schedule a session with me.

Anxiety and Mindfulness

Before I started practicing mindfulness I suffered a severe anxiety disorder. For decades my anxiety was so bad that I could not go anywhere without Xanax in my pocket. I was mostly confined to my house, too afraid to step outside and I felt that at any second the floor would be pulled out from beneath me. Anxiety greatly compromised my life. I had to drop out of a Master’s program in English Literature because my anxiety prevented me from driving to school and sitting in class.

Anxiety is a common mental health disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. It is a feeling of unease, fear, and apprehension about what the future holds. Many things can trigger anxiety, from stressful life events and health issues to genetics and brain chemistry. Some of the symptoms of anxiety include worry, restlessness, intrusive thoughts, rapid heartbeat, sweating, difficulty concentrating, an inability to be still and a feeling of danger being just around the corner. 

This is the problem with anxiety. Just because you feel afraid does not mean you are in danger. Anxiety is a liar and a thief. I thought I was going to die hundreds of times, but here I am.

Fortunately, there are effective ways to manage anxiety. One of the most effective techniques to manage my anxiety has been mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of being present and focused on the moment without judgment. It involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings, and accepting them for what they are. 

When it comes to anxiety, mindfulness is a powerful tool. And just like any tool, if used correctly it can be used to build incredible things- including a life that you thought was impossible to live. At one point I could not drive across bridges. Out of the question. Now I could care less. I even drink coffee now, which I could not touch for years. If I can do it, so can you.

By focusing your attention in the present moment, you can break the cycle of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Anxiety is the fear of a future threat (just around the corner). By bringing your attention into the present moment, anxiety can’t keep its grip on you.

Many studies have shown that practicing mindfulness can reduce anxiety symptoms and improve overall well-being. 

Mindful breathing is one of the most common mindfulness techniques used to manage anxiety. It involves taking deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your body, and letting go of any thoughts or feelings that arise. This can help slow down your body's physical response to anxiety, such as rapid breathing or a racing heartbeat. A person can do this practice anywhere and anytime.

Another mindfulness technique that can be helpful for anxiety is meditation. This involves sitting comfortably and mentally scanning your body from head to toe, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort, while focusing your attention on the breath as it moves in and out through your nose. Learning to be still with yourself and your anxiety even if just for five minutes is an effective way to combat anxiety because you are learning how to directly confront your anxiety without feeling in danger. Remember that just because you are afraid does not mean you are in danger. The trick is to accept and breathe your way through the uncomfortable and sometimes terrifying feelings of anxiety.

In addition to these techniques, there are many other mindfulness practices that can help manage anxiety, such as mindful walking, mindful eating, and mindful awareness of your surroundings. The key is to find a practice that works best for you and to make it a part of your daily routine (especially if you want to get off those sedating pills).

Anxiety is a serious mental health disorder that can impact every aspect of one's life. It can keep people confined to their homes for a lifetime and/or it can make a person feel so uncomfortably restless and stimulated that they are compromised in all aspects of their life. By practicing mindfulness, individuals can learn to be present and focused on the moment, reduce or eradicate symptoms of anxiety, and improve overall well-being. If you are interested in living a life with much less anxiety, mindfulness is your superpower.

Managing Mental Chatter

“Interrupt your negative chains of thought by forcing yourself to visualize the crazy sweet adventures you plan to enjoy someday.” -Robert Anton Wilson

Mental chatter, also known as inner monologue or self-talk, is the constant (and often negative) stream of thoughts that goes on in everyone’s minds. It’s a natural part of being human and can be either helpful or detrimental to our well-being. Managing mental chatter is important because it can impact our relationships, ability to focus, mood, financial situations, overall productivity, confidence, decision-making and overall health.

The first and most important step in managing mental chatter is to become aware of it. If you are not aware of it, you are caught up in it like a prisoner in chains. This alone is a very stressful experience. Take note of the thoughts that run through your mind. Become self-aware (even if just for a minute). Are your thoughts positive, negative, or neutral? Are they productive or unproductive? Being willing to analyze your mental chatter in this way can help you to identify patterns in your thinking, which can then be addressed.

Another strategy for managing mental chatter is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves focusing our attention on purpose in the present moment and letting go of judgments, worries, fears and distractions. By practicing mindfulness, we can become more aware of our thoughts without becoming chained to them. This means we can better observe our mental chatter, which then gives us the ability to do something about it.

Another technique I have been experimenting with to help manage my own mental chatter is to challenge my negative thoughts. Negative self-talk is a common form of mental chatter that can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, isolation and low self-esteem. When negative thoughts arise, I try to ask myself if what I am thinking about is really true or if it is just a personal judgement? I try to find some evidence to support that what I am thinking about. If there isn’t any evidence, I try to replace these thoughts with something more positive and realistic.

In addition to these strategies, it’s important to take care of our physical health as well. There is plenty of research to support just how damaging chronic mental chatter is for our health. Some argue that uncontrolled mental chatter is worse for our health than not exercising. I would say that mental chatter can lead to a lack of exercise, since the individual is spending more time in their head. Exercise, getting enough sleep and eating a healthy diet can all help to reduce stress and improve our mental well-being. When our bodies are in better shape, when we learn how to take better care of ourselves, our minds are better equipped to manage mental chatter.

Managing mental chatter is an often underrated and important part of maintaining our mental, physical and emotional health. By becoming aware of our thoughts, practicing mindfulness, challenging negative self-talk, and taking care of our physical health, we can learn to better manage our mental chatter. It is far from impossible to do this. Just requires some effort on our part (as do all forms of self-care). Ultimately, making this effort can lead to greater feelings of well-being, healthier relationships and an increased sense of control over our thoughts and emotions. I think it is worth the investment.

Gaslighting 101

So what exactly is gaslighting? We hear this term thrown around a lot these days, so I thought I would take a quick deep dive into what gaslighting actually is.

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from a 1938 play, "Gas Light," in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity by dimming the gas lights in their home while denying that the light level has changed.

Gaslighting behavior can range from subtle and insidious to overt and dangerous. It is often employed by abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, and cult leaders to gain control over their victims by distorting reality and undermining their sense of self. This can take many different forms, including lying, denying, deflecting, minimizing, and blaming, as well as withholding information, love, and support.

One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is that it can cause the targeted person to doubt their own grip on reality. Individuals may begin to second-guess their own perceptions, memories, and experiences, and may feel they are losing their sense of self. This can lead them to question their own judgment, feel isolated, lose a sense of self-worth and strangely enough become even more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and support.

Gaslighters often target specific vulnerabilities in their victims, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or trauma, to more effectively manipulate them. They may also use subtle cues and microaggressions to gradually erode their victim's confidence and self-worth over time. The effects of gaslighting can be profound and long-lasting, often leading to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This in turn has a profound effect on a person’s health.

One of the most important things to remember about gaslighting is that it is a form of abuse. It is not the victim's fault, and it is not a reflection of their worth or intelligence. Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of psychological manipulation that can have profound and long-lasting effects on people. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting and to seek help and support if you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit. By raising awareness about gaslighting, we can help make people more aware and hopefully prevent this form of abuse in the future.