Gaslighting 101

So what exactly is gaslighting? We hear this term thrown around a lot these days, so I thought I would take a quick deep dive into what gaslighting actually is.

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from a 1938 play, "Gas Light," in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity by dimming the gas lights in their home while denying that the light level has changed.

Gaslighting behavior can range from subtle and insidious to overt and dangerous. It is often employed by abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, and cult leaders to gain control over their victims by distorting reality and undermining their sense of self. This can take many different forms, including lying, denying, deflecting, minimizing, and blaming, as well as withholding information, love, and support.

One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is that it can cause the targeted person to doubt their own grip on reality. Individuals may begin to second-guess their own perceptions, memories, and experiences, and may feel they are losing their sense of self. This can lead them to question their own judgment, feel isolated, lose a sense of self-worth and strangely enough become even more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and support.

Gaslighters often target specific vulnerabilities in their victims, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or trauma, to more effectively manipulate them. They may also use subtle cues and microaggressions to gradually erode their victim's confidence and self-worth over time. The effects of gaslighting can be profound and long-lasting, often leading to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This in turn has a profound effect on a person’s health.

One of the most important things to remember about gaslighting is that it is a form of abuse. It is not the victim's fault, and it is not a reflection of their worth or intelligence. Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of psychological manipulation that can have profound and long-lasting effects on people. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting and to seek help and support if you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit. By raising awareness about gaslighting, we can help make people more aware and hopefully prevent this form of abuse in the future.

The Law of Hedonic Adaptation

The Law of Hedonic Adaptation is a psychological theory that suggests individuals have a natural tendency to return to a stable level of happiness after experiencing either positive or negative life events. This law can be applied to various aspects of our lives, including happiness, relationships, and material possessions. If you are at all interested in mental health, The Law of Hedonic Adaptation is an important concept to understand. It can help you to better understand your own experiences and help you to make more informed decisions going forwards.

In the context of happiness, the Law of Hedonic Adaptation suggests that an individual's happiness levels will adapt and settle into a certain range over time, even after significant positive or negative life events. For example, winning the lottery may initially bring feelings of extreme happiness, but over time, the individual's happiness levels do tend to return to their baseline.

Similarly, in relationships, the Law of Hedonic Adaptation suggests that individuals will adapt to the presence (or absence) of a romantic partner, and their happiness levels will return to a natural baseline, regardless of the initial level of happiness or satisfaction in the relationship.

In terms of material possessions, the Law of Hedonic Adaptation suggests that individuals will adapt to owning new items or experiences, and their resulting happiness levels will eventually return to baseline. For example, purchasing a new car or upgrading to a larger home may initially bring feelings of happiness, but over time, those feelings will tend to dissipate as the individual becomes accustomed to these possessions.

It is important to note that the Law of Hedonic Adaptation does not suggest that individuals cannot experience long-term happiness or satisfaction. Rather, it suggests that individuals will always have a baseline level of happiness to which they will return, regardless of outside circumstances.

This is The Law of Hedonic Adaptation in a nutshell. It’s a good concept to keep in mind. It can help us to make more informed decisions about major life events, such as purchasing a new home, leaving or starting a relationship, buying a new car, moving or changing careers. It can also help us to better understand our own emotional experiences (why we feel the way we do) and manage our own expectations accordingly.

Spiritual Bypassing

Spiritual bypassing is a term used to describe a phenomenon where individuals use spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid facing and dealing with their emotional and psychological issues. It is a common defense mechanism that people use to avoid confronting pain, trauma, or difficult emotions. The saying, “That which we try not to think about or feel only grows larger,” is all too relevant when it comes to spiritual bypassing. As a Mental Health Counselor and Mindfulness Instructor, I try to help people avoid this problematic pitfall.

The concept of spiritual bypassing was first introduced by psychologist John Welwood in the 1980s. He observed that some individuals use spirituality as a way to bypass their emotional growth and remain trapped in a stagnant state of consciousness. Since then, many spiritual teachers, academics, philosophers and psychotherapists have explored the concept and its effects on individuals and spiritual communities. One of my favorites is called “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism,” by Chogyam Trungpa.

Spiritual bypassing can manifest in various forms. Some people may use meditation or prayer as a way to escape from their problems, while others may use the teachings of their faith or spirituality to justify their negative behaviors or beliefs. Some may even use spiritual practices to feel superior or special, further avoiding their underlying issues. .

One of the critical aspects of spiritual bypassing is the avoidance of negative emotions. Instead of facing the pain, fear, emptiness or sadness- people may use positive affirmations or spiritual teachings to deny or suppress their emotions. This denial can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, anger, depression, as well as physical health issues.

Another consequence of spiritual bypassing is often the inability to form genuine connections with others. When individuals use spirituality to avoid their emotions, they may struggle to empathize with others' struggles or understand their own emotions. This leads to a lack of intimacy and genuine connection in their relationships, which can cause them to engage in spiritual bypassing even more. As a result, a person can feel dissociated from themselves and the world around them.

Spiritual bypassing can also create a spiritual community that is based on superficial positivity rather than authentic connection, acceptance and growth. It can lead to a culture where individuals are ostracized or shamed for expressing negative emotions or challenging spiritual norms, further perpetuating the cycle of avoidance.

When individuals use spirituality to escape from their emotional and psychological struggles, they can become disconnected from themselves. This can have far-reaching effects on their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being, as well as their relationships and connections with others. Recognizing and addressing spiritual bypassing for what it is, is crucial to fostering healthy relationships and authentic individual growth.

Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism