Gaslighting 101

So what exactly is gaslighting? We hear this term thrown around a lot these days, so I thought I would take a quick deep dive into what gaslighting actually is.

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from a 1938 play, "Gas Light," in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity by dimming the gas lights in their home while denying that the light level has changed.

Gaslighting behavior can range from subtle and insidious to overt and dangerous. It is often employed by abusers, narcissists, sociopaths, and cult leaders to gain control over their victims by distorting reality and undermining their sense of self. This can take many different forms, including lying, denying, deflecting, minimizing, and blaming, as well as withholding information, love, and support.

One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is that it can cause the targeted person to doubt their own grip on reality. Individuals may begin to second-guess their own perceptions, memories, and experiences, and may feel they are losing their sense of self. This can lead them to question their own judgment, feel isolated, lose a sense of self-worth and strangely enough become even more dependent on the gaslighter for validation and support.

Gaslighters often target specific vulnerabilities in their victims, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, or trauma, to more effectively manipulate them. They may also use subtle cues and microaggressions to gradually erode their victim's confidence and self-worth over time. The effects of gaslighting can be profound and long-lasting, often leading to anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This in turn has a profound effect on a person’s health.

One of the most important things to remember about gaslighting is that it is a form of abuse. It is not the victim's fault, and it is not a reflection of their worth or intelligence. Gaslighting is a dangerous and insidious form of psychological manipulation that can have profound and long-lasting effects on people. It is important to recognize the signs of gaslighting and to seek help and support if you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit. By raising awareness about gaslighting, we can help make people more aware and hopefully prevent this form of abuse in the future.

The Benefits of Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is a vital skill that enables us to gain deeper insight into our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It involves the ability (I like to think of it as a superpower) to examine our actions and motivations objectively, in order to make decisions and improvements that are aligned with our goals and values. Self-reflection is not an easy skill to acquire, as it requires us to turn inwards, not be distracted, to be honest with ourselves and accept our shortcomings. The rewards of self-reflection are immense, as it allows us to understand what we are feeling and to make positive changes in our behaviors, relationships and work.

I have found that self-reflection is an essential skill for personal growth and self-development. By taking the time to reflect on my actions and emotions, I can ground myself and gain a better understanding of myself and my values. This self-awareness enables me to identify my strengths and my weaknesses and to become aware of areas where I may need to improve. For example, if someone realizes that they are prone to procrastinating or being overly busy, they can take steps to address this habit and become more (or less) productive. Self-reflection helps us to identify our goals and aspirations, create a plan to achieve them rather than remaining stuck in a rigidified place our entire lives.

Self-reflection can also be very important for interpersonal relationships. This is an area where I have often struggled. By understanding my own emotions and behavioral patterns, I feel better equipped to understand how my actions affect others. This skill is essential for effective communication, conflict resolution, and building healthy relationships. When we engage in self-reflection, we become more empathetic towards others, and are better able to address conflicts in a respectful and constructive manner. This, in turn, fosters stronger and more meaningful relationships.

Self-reflection is also an important aspect of professional and career development. Self-reflection enables us to deeply reflect on our job performance, identify areas where we can improve and determine ways to enhance our skills and abilities. For instance, someone may realize that they are not effectively managing their time at work, and can then take steps such as delegating tasks or creating discipline to improve productivity. Self-reflection enables us to be more self-aware at work, which can lead to improved job satisfaction, better working relationships with colleagues and the ability to take better care of ourselves when busy or facing a tight deadline.

In conclusion, self-reflection is an essential skill that enables us to gain insight into our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It is a continuous process of self-awareness, honest evaluation, and positive change. By practicing self-reflection, we can live more fulfilling and authentic lives, build stronger relationships and achieve our goals. It is a skill (or superpower) that everyone should strive to cultivate in order to become a better and more self-aware version of themselves.

A TED talk about self-reflection.

mindfulcounselor.org