Taking Care of Yourself

Self-care is a term that is often thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? In today’s busy world, some people seem to really struggle with self-care. They feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious or maybe they do not feel like they themselves are worth taking care of. Whatever the case may be, if we want to live a life that we feel good about, self-care is fundamental.

As far as I understand it, self-care is any activity that you do to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. It can be something as simple as taking a break from work to go for a brief walk, or something more involved like going to therapy. Fundamentally, self-care is knowing how to take care of yourself (the opposite of learned helplessness) rather than relying on others to save you. 

There are many benefits to engaging in self-care. It can help you reduce stress, improve your mood and health. It can allow you to feel more independent and self-reliant. It can help you sleep better, improve your relationships with others and yourself and be more productive in your work.

There are many different ways to practice self-care. Some common activities include:

• Exercise

• Eating healthy foods

• Getting enough sleep

• Spending time with people who make you feel good

• Practicing relaxation techniques, such as stretching or meditation

• Reading

• Taking a bath or shower

• Going for a walk or bike ride

• Listening to music

• Doing something creative, such as painting or writing

It is important to find self-care activities that work for you and that you enjoy doing. There is no one right way to do self-care. What matters is that you are taking some time for yourself each and every day to relax, recharge and maybe even feel inspired.

If you are struggling to find time for self-care, here are a few tips that I have found helpful:

• Schedule it into your day. Just like you would schedule any other important appointment, make sure to schedule some time for self-care each day. For example, I schedule in an hour of reading time each day (no matter how busy I am) because I know that I will feel less happy and more mentally scattered if I do not read.

• Make it a priority. Self-care should be something that you do for yourself, even if you don't feel like it.

• Don't be afraid to say no. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to say no to commitments that will take away from your self-care time. If others can not support you in doing what you need to do to take care of yourself, maybe it would be good for you to reevaluate the relationship.

• Be patient. It takes time to find self-care activities that work for you. Don't be discouraged if you don't find the right thing right away. You can start by just taking a fifteen minute walk by yourself a few times a week.

Self-care is an important part of a mentally and physically healthy lifestyle. When we are stressed out or less healthy, self-care is usually the first thing to go out the window. By taking some amount of time for yourself each day to do the things you enjoy, you will improve your physical, emotional, and mental health. An additional benefit of self-care is that you will also prove to yourself that you can do it, which will increase your confidence and feelings of self-worth.

What Exactly Is Anxiety Anyways?

Every human struggles with anxiety but we often don’t realize exactly what it is.

Anxiety can range from the subtle to the all out excessive. It is a common human emotion typically experienced when an individual perceives a future threat or is presented with a challenging or uncertain situation. This response is often characterized by feelings of fear, worry, feelings of impending doom and unease, often accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, sweating, muscle tension and an inability to be present. While some levels of anxiety are a normal response to stressful situations, excessive anxiety can negatively impact an individual's life, affecting their relationships, work, and overall well-being. When anxiety becomes excessive, it is important to address it right away.

Although there are many ways to manage and treat anxiety, practicing mindfulness and being present in the moment have been shown to be very effective strategies. Being present is something we are all capable of doing if we are willing (no supernatural beliefs needed). It only means paying attention to the current moment without judgment or distraction and focusing on the experience without worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. I don't know about you, but this seems like a much more preferable way to live. By focusing on the present and not paying attention to thoughts, the mind becomes calm, we begin to feel safe and anxiety levels decrease.

For those who deal with excessive levels of anxiety, relaxation is their best friend. Anxiety often results in the release of stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol, which can trigger physiological symptoms such as increased heart rate and shallow breathing. This keeps us in an activated fight or flight state. People with excessive anxiety live in this state all the time. It is awful (I can tell you this from personal experience). This is why it is so important to literally force relaxation upon oneself. Short term pain for long term gain, is what a teacher once told me. I make myself relax for a few minutes (sometimes longer) throughout the day. I focus on my breathing and regulate my breath. I become more aware of right where I am at that moment. Nothing else matters. I am no longer ruminating or dwelling or planning. This helps me to bring my parasympathetic nervous system into balance, resulting in a reduction in anxiety symptoms (and a more enjoyable day).

Without question, anxiety is a common human emotion that can significantly impact every aspect of an individual's life if not adequately managed. It can cause you to live in a state where you continually feel under some kind of future threat or immediate danger- whether it be from outside forces or from within your own body. Mindfulness and being present are effective strategies for reducing anxiety, promoting relaxation, reducing worry and negative thought patterns. By disciplining your mind to remain present and calm in stressful situations, you really can mitigate the impact anxiety has on your life. You just have to decide that you have had enough of anxiety.

If you would like help getting your anxiety under control, please feel free to schedule a session.

Managing Mental Chatter

“Interrupt your negative chains of thought by forcing yourself to visualize the crazy sweet adventures you plan to enjoy someday.” -Robert Anton Wilson

Mental chatter, also known as inner monologue or self-talk, is the constant (and often negative) stream of thoughts that goes on in everyone’s minds. It’s a natural part of being human and can be either helpful or detrimental to our well-being. Managing mental chatter is important because it can impact our relationships, ability to focus, mood, financial situations, overall productivity, confidence, decision-making and overall health.

The first and most important step in managing mental chatter is to become aware of it. If you are not aware of it, you are caught up in it like a prisoner in chains. This alone is a very stressful experience. Take note of the thoughts that run through your mind. Become self-aware (even if just for a minute). Are your thoughts positive, negative, or neutral? Are they productive or unproductive? Being willing to analyze your mental chatter in this way can help you to identify patterns in your thinking, which can then be addressed.

Another strategy for managing mental chatter is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves focusing our attention on purpose in the present moment and letting go of judgments, worries, fears and distractions. By practicing mindfulness, we can become more aware of our thoughts without becoming chained to them. This means we can better observe our mental chatter, which then gives us the ability to do something about it.

Another technique I have been experimenting with to help manage my own mental chatter is to challenge my negative thoughts. Negative self-talk is a common form of mental chatter that can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, isolation and low self-esteem. When negative thoughts arise, I try to ask myself if what I am thinking about is really true or if it is just a personal judgement? I try to find some evidence to support that what I am thinking about. If there isn’t any evidence, I try to replace these thoughts with something more positive and realistic.

In addition to these strategies, it’s important to take care of our physical health as well. There is plenty of research to support just how damaging chronic mental chatter is for our health. Some argue that uncontrolled mental chatter is worse for our health than not exercising. I would say that mental chatter can lead to a lack of exercise, since the individual is spending more time in their head. Exercise, getting enough sleep and eating a healthy diet can all help to reduce stress and improve our mental well-being. When our bodies are in better shape, when we learn how to take better care of ourselves, our minds are better equipped to manage mental chatter.

Managing mental chatter is an often underrated and important part of maintaining our mental, physical and emotional health. By becoming aware of our thoughts, practicing mindfulness, challenging negative self-talk, and taking care of our physical health, we can learn to better manage our mental chatter. It is far from impossible to do this. Just requires some effort on our part (as do all forms of self-care). Ultimately, making this effort can lead to greater feelings of well-being, healthier relationships and an increased sense of control over our thoughts and emotions. I think it is worth the investment.

Destructive Logic and Mental Health

Destructive logic is something that individuals often engage in without knowing it. It can have a significant impact on mental health. Destructive logic is a cycle of negative thoughts and beliefs that can make individuals feel helpless and trapped. Destructive logic is characterized by a focus on negative experiences, events, and feelings, and an inability to see any positive aspects or outcomes (negative self-talk). The daily use of destructive logic can lead to a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation.

Destructive logic can often feel like the norm. Negative thoughts can be so pervasive that they begin to feel like facts. When this takes over, individuals may start to believe that they have no control over their circumstances. This can lead to a sense of hopelessness, meaninglessness and despair, which will further exacerbate mental health issues.

Someone who has experienced one or many traumatic events, may engage in destructive logic without knowing it. They may have developed the belief that they will never be able to recover from the trauma. They may focus on the negative aspects of the event, such as the hurt and fear they experienced, and overlook any positive outcomes or personal growth that may have resulted from the experience. This often will lead a person to feelings of helplessness, isolation, nihilism and major depression.

Destructive logic can effect how individuals interpret and respond to situations. It can result in a tendency to catastrophize, where individuals assume the worst-case scenario will always occur. If we catastrophize often, this may cause a person to live a life filled with chronic anxiety, panic attacks, depression and poor decision making about their life. Catastrophizing is a common thing people do when they live with unresolved trauma.

Mental health professionals often use cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help individuals with destructive thinking patterns. CBT helps individuals learn to identify and challenge these negative thoughts, replacing them with more positive ones. This can help individuals to see the world in a less negative light, improve their coping skills, and develop more positive self-talk, ultimately improving their mental health.

Mindfulness is an additional way to help those who deal with destructive logic. By becoming more aware of our thought patterns we can gain more control over navigating our attention into the present moment when our thoughts become too negative. By being present in the here and right now, we can reduce the negative effects that destructive logic can have upon our lives. 

Destructive logic can have a profound impact on our mental health. In my work as a mental health counselor, I see how destructive logic causes individuals to hold negative beliefs, feelings of hopelessness, and a lack of control over their circumstances. This often leads people into major depression. But this way of thinking and feeling can be managed and minimized. Identifying and challenging these negative thoughts through counseling, support, journaling, meditation and other forms of self-care can be incredibly helpful in overcoming destructive logic and its impact on our mental health.

The Benefits of Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is a vital skill that enables us to gain deeper insight into our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. It involves the ability (I like to think of it as a superpower) to examine our actions and motivations objectively, in order to make decisions and improvements that are aligned with our goals and values. Self-reflection is not an easy skill to acquire, as it requires us to turn inwards, not be distracted, to be honest with ourselves and accept our shortcomings. The rewards of self-reflection are immense, as it allows us to understand what we are feeling and to make positive changes in our behaviors, relationships and work.

I have found that self-reflection is an essential skill for personal growth and self-development. By taking the time to reflect on my actions and emotions, I can ground myself and gain a better understanding of myself and my values. This self-awareness enables me to identify my strengths and my weaknesses and to become aware of areas where I may need to improve. For example, if someone realizes that they are prone to procrastinating or being overly busy, they can take steps to address this habit and become more (or less) productive. Self-reflection helps us to identify our goals and aspirations, create a plan to achieve them rather than remaining stuck in a rigidified place our entire lives.

Self-reflection can also be very important for interpersonal relationships. This is an area where I have often struggled. By understanding my own emotions and behavioral patterns, I feel better equipped to understand how my actions affect others. This skill is essential for effective communication, conflict resolution, and building healthy relationships. When we engage in self-reflection, we become more empathetic towards others, and are better able to address conflicts in a respectful and constructive manner. This, in turn, fosters stronger and more meaningful relationships.

Self-reflection is also an important aspect of professional and career development. Self-reflection enables us to deeply reflect on our job performance, identify areas where we can improve and determine ways to enhance our skills and abilities. For instance, someone may realize that they are not effectively managing their time at work, and can then take steps such as delegating tasks or creating discipline to improve productivity. Self-reflection enables us to be more self-aware at work, which can lead to improved job satisfaction, better working relationships with colleagues and the ability to take better care of ourselves when busy or facing a tight deadline.

In conclusion, self-reflection is an essential skill that enables us to gain insight into our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It is a continuous process of self-awareness, honest evaluation, and positive change. By practicing self-reflection, we can live more fulfilling and authentic lives, build stronger relationships and achieve our goals. It is a skill (or superpower) that everyone should strive to cultivate in order to become a better and more self-aware version of themselves.

A TED talk about self-reflection.

mindfulcounselor.org

How To Escape A Drama Filled Society

Living in a drama-filled society can be exhausting and draining for anyone. It's no secret that drama often causes unnecessary stress, anxiety, and confusion, and it can be difficult to escape. However, there are a few steps you can take to remove yourself from the drama and create a more peaceful, stress-free life.

1. Identify the sources of drama:

The first step in escaping the drama of your society is to identify its sources. It may be certain friends, family members, or co-workers who create drama. Alternatively, it could be social media or news outlets that stir up emotions and create angst. Once you identify the causes of drama, it will be easier to avoid them and reduce their impact on your life.

2. Limit your exposure to drama:

Now that you've identified the sources of drama, take steps to limit your exposure to them. For example, if you have friends who constantly involve themselves in gossip and drama, you may need to distance yourself from them or set boundaries. Similarly, if social media causes negative emotions or triggers drama, take a break from those platforms.

3. Surround yourself with positivity:

To counteract the negativity and drama of your society, focus on surrounding yourself with positive people who bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself. This may mean finding new friends who share your values and interests or making time for self-care activities that boost your mood.

4. Practice mindfulness and self-care:

Mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, and deep breathing can be helpful in reducing stress and anxiety. Self-care activities like taking a relaxing bath, reading a book, or going for a walk can also help reduce the impact of drama on your life.

5. Focus on what you can control:

Remember that while you can't control the drama in your society, you can control your reactions to it. Focus on the things you can control, such as how much time and energy you devote to drama, and let go of things you cannot control. By taking ownership of your own life, you'll reduce the impact of drama and create a more peaceful, fulfilling existence.

Escaping the drama of society takes effort, discipline and diligence, but it's worth it to create a more fulfilling and stress-free life. By identifying the sources of drama, limiting your exposure to them, surrounding yourself with positivity, practicing mindfulness and self-care, and focusing on what you can control, you can escape the drama and create a life that's full of peace, insight, creativity and well-being. Even in a society filled with transitory drama.